


SPIRAL ENERGY FOR IDIOTS!

by Yojimbra



Category: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Reincarnation, Romance, legit idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 18:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30076716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yojimbra/pseuds/Yojimbra
Summary: Kamina dies, and then dies again and gets reincarnated in the BNHA hero world! There he meets Nejire Hadou who he quickly discovers he shares a braincell with!Legit.I have no fucking idea.I wanted to write something stupid.and I did.
Relationships: Kamina/Nejire Hadou
Comments: 22
Kudos: 57





	SPIRAL ENERGY FOR IDIOTS!

[Congratulations! You have died an __ UNJUSTIFIED__ death! As a consolation prize the powers that be have deemed reincarnation to my __REALM__ Please enjoy your stay at __EARTH__

Limited time warranty of 30 secs]

Just what the hell was going on?

Kamina felt his feet touch the ground and found himself stumbling to the side as the bright lights and scent of piss overwhelmed his senses? He pressed an arm against the cold brick wall for a moment as he gathered his self. 

Okay.

So he wasn’t dead?

But he wasn’t in Gurren either? 

Where was Simon? Yoko? That ugly fucking monkey? All the rest of those guys?

What was going on?

Where was his sword?

Oh.

He had it in his hand.

That was cool.

A roar came from down one side of the trash-filled hallway he found himself standing and he felt the ground shake as something big zoomed past. 

“Another damn robot?” He grabbed his sword and charged forward. “Hang on Simon! I’m coming!”

He stepped out into the open and found himself staring down a shrieking beast with glowing eyes. 

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

It hurt like hell when it hit him. 

[Time left on warranty 1.23 seconds]

XXXX

What the?

Where was he now? Was this another beastman trick?

Where the hell was his sword?

What happened to the robot?

What—

Where did that screen come from?

A scene appeared and there were more of those giant mechs driving by. And then some blue-haired idiot came running out front of one and flailed a sword at one before it got crushed. 

“Florida Man Attacks Semi Truck with Katana.” A womanly voice appeared from behind him. Why couldn’t he turn his head? “Honestly that made my day when I read about how you died a second time. You really are an idiot aren’t you?”

What the hell! Who are you?

“Calm down, calm down, your body is still reconstituting you’ll be able to talk in a moment.” A woman wearing a damn bunny suit like at that beastman Hotspring they visited a while ago walked into view, her long white hair was tied into a ponytail and her red eyes radiated power, though the near foot long horn that jutted out from her right eyebrow was the most striking feature. 

“First of all, Hi,” She waved at him and popped one hip to the side. “I’m Eri, I’m uh, well, I’m kind of the goddess of time and by virtue of fuckery also space of this dimension, so I’m the one that’s in charge of your rereincarnation.”

What the “fuck?” 

“Oh good, you can speak, do me a favor and keep your mouth shut.” She snapped her fingers and the screen went away. “So, let me explain your situation before you start shouting at me and asking where your friends are. You died. Twice. For you, both those deaths felt like they happened less than a minute apart when in reality it’s been about a couple of years between each one? I don’t know, time flows differently for souls. But anyways, the god that looks over your original reality has this heroic spirit redemption plan thing going on, so they take heroic spirits from other worlds and put them in their worlds as a kind of afterlife.”

The goddess Eri flipped her hair and pointed towards him with one finger. “This also goes in reverse, which is what happened to you. You got sent to probably the worst possible place though because the guy that oversaw your old new reality is a bit of a dick and sticks all reincarnated souls into this place called Florida so he can live stream it to the other gods and he makes cash off of it somehow. Look, I don’t know, the guy’s a dick.”

She blinked and shifted her stance a bit. “Not that I’m not a bitch or anything, but anyway, you got there and died before your 30-second warranty was up, which, somehow made you my problem? Still trying to figure all of that out.”

“Now then. Any questions?”

“What happened to Simon? Yoko? All those other guys.”

“Oh!” Eri snapped her fingers and a stack of small little boxes that looked like those book things appeared on his lap. Hey! He had a lap. “There’s the entire series, Basically Simon wins, they beat the anti-spirals and he goes back to being a ditch digger. Also, can we talk about how ridiculously hot Yoko was at fourteen? Like, even when she was twenty one later she was still hot as hell. Like she didn’t even peak, she just got hot as hell and then plateaued. Probably could have had some stupid strong milf energy if she had managed to find a boyfriend that lived long enough to get her pregnant.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Your universe. And Yoko’s fat tits.” Eri waved her hand around like it was nothing. “But yeah, so, basically everyone lives happily ever after and humans are free from the beastman and the anti-spirals. Until they tried to make a season two cash grab, but even that ended happily. Still not really worth watching unless you’re a Viral simp or something and actually you might be.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Anyways, those are blu-rays and you can watch the whole thing once you get reincarnated into my world.” 

“I’m still confused!” Kamina kicked his legs, oh hey! He had legs now! 

Sweet! Now he could kick some ass!

“Uh-huh, good luck with that.” Eri gave a sigh that seemed to last for far longer than physically possible and well beyond what anyone would ever consider funny. 

“So look, I’m going to give you a small rundown of the worlds I govern. Basically, it’s a normal boring earth, there’s no beastmen or anti-spiral bullshit, but everyone has a quirk, which is like a superpower or sometimes just something weird you can do.” Eri waved her hand and the screen reappeared showing a hot chick turning into a giant hot chick, and another hot chick turning into a dragon, and some naked dude that could walk through walls! 

“Those things? Yeah, those are quirks. Basically, it’s kind of peaceful, there’s a few minor wars but the biggest conflict is between heroes and villains.” Eri waved her hand and a chair appeared for her to sit down in. “You’re going to get one so you don’t like seem too out of place, so what kind of a quirk would you like?”

“Being manly!”

“Toxic Masculinity is not a quirk.”

The hell did that mean? If this chick wasn’t kind of hot he’d have to smack her!

“Alright, next idea, come on, this is important.”

“Manly combining!” 

“So what? Docking? Not happening. Come up with something that’s natural to you.”

Kamina tapped his chin and actually thought. “Something natural? I can’t think of anything besides being a chick magnet.”

Eri let out a sharp short laugh that cut into his confidence like a sword through a cave pig. 

“What’s so funny! I’m just a mortal man, of course, I’m not going to meet your standards, you stuck-up goddess!” He stomped his foot and glared at her. 

“Oh please, my husband is mortal.” She waved her hand again. She did that a lot. “But, I see that you’re the stupid dense and uncreative type that just shows until things work out, so give me a second.”

She snapped her fingers and her outfit changed into one that looked like Yoko’s! Flaming red bikini and hey! Those were his sunglasses! What the hell?

“Yeah, so, I forgot how good your anime was. Anyways, I’ve decided what your quirk’s going to be?”

“My quirk is being a man!” 

“Nope! And what the hell would that even be? Having a penis?” Eri raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “Anyways, because you can’t come up with something, I’m just going to give you something along the lines of Motivational Speeches. The more people believe that you believe in them the stronger they’ll get. Bam. Fancy quirk. Have fun with it.”

“Does it work on me?” 

“Sure! Why the hell not, gotta practice self reaffirmation with your fragile male ego.”

“Do you just like to insult people?”

“Sass is how I survive being several times older than the oldest star. That and good sex. Good sex is very important.” Eri nodded to herself for a few moments before coughing. “Anyways, you have a quirk, your body’s basically done reforming, anything else you need before you start your after afterlife?”

“A giant ro—”

“There are no giant robots in my world, sorry.” Eri took off her sunglasses and tossed them to him. “Here you can take those, they look better on you anyway’s. And no sword, mostly because I don’t trust you not to cut someone.”

“What? That’s lame and here I thought you were cool!”

“No, you thought I was a bitch, which, you know isn’t exactly wrong, but I’m not going to give you a sword.”

“A smoking hot girlfriend? Like that giant chick?”

“Meh, I don’t ship it. Hmm. who would be good for you.” Eri pulled up a pad of some kind and look through it quickly. “Oh! She’s crazy enough to actually enjoy being around you. Anyways! Times up! Good luck on your third earth! Try not to die!”

“Hey wai—”

The conversation was ended abruptly as he found himself falling. Really high up above a city. Like, he was pretty sure being this high up would kill him. “Eri! You bitch!”


End file.
